The Word became flesh and dwelled among us . . . and the unfolding of His Words is Light.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Overcoming Shame Part 3: Seeing Jesus


(This is the third post in a three-part series. Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here )
Sitting in the sagging 1970’s green chair in my writing professor’s office, tears flowed down my cheeks. Rough copy #3 of my Spiritual Essay lay open across my lap, my tears dropping, smearing black ink. Avoiding my professor’s, “I-can-see-right-through-you” gaze, I shuffled the white papers in my lap and stared at the frayed blue carpet under my feet.

I couldn’t figure out how to end my essay on the Samaritan Woman, and I didn’t know why I was runny-nosed sobbing about it in front of my professor. (Talk about embarrassing!)  But one thing I knew for sure—I understood the Samaritan Woman, was just like her—looking for Living Water in all the wrong places, filling my water jar— heart—with good grades, guys and the affirmation of others.

Just like the Samaritan woman, I felt like an outcast. She was a ‘worthless’ half-breed and I the naïve, homeschooled ‘nobody.’ And just like the Samaritan woman, hoping for redeeming love, I’d thrown myself into bad relationships with guys who cared nothing for my soul. Just like the Samaritan woman, I felt shame for what I’d done and what others did to me.
Just like the Samaritan woman, I longed to be worthy of love.

But as a 20 year-old college student melting down in my professor’s office, I didn’t understand how to overcome my feelings of worthlessness. I knew “Jesus is the answer” but couldn’t explain what that meant in the day-to-day of life (which is why I couldn’t figure out how to end the dang essay!).

Years later, as a 35-year-old woman, I picked up my Bible and read the Samaritan woman’s story with  new eyes. As I read her story in John 4, I saw how Jesus looked at her—with compassion and grace—and I longed for Him to look at me as he looked at her. Jesus knew everything she’d ever done: “The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband!” Jesus also saw through her feeble attempt to deflect Her shame onto Him: “you Jews . . . ,” and Jesus, knowing and seeing ALL of this woman, still offered her Himself. In offering her Himself, he offered her Life and Dignity—worth.

It was only after seeing Jesus for who he was: “I, the one speaking to you—I am [The Messiah]” that the Samaritan woman put down her water jar—the one filled with bad relationships, poor choices, hurt and pain—and accepted Living Water.

Then, full of Living Water, full of Jesus, free from shame, this woman invited other Samaritans to see Jesus: “Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did!”(John 4:29, emphasis mine).  After the Samaritans saw Jesus for themselves, they declared: “We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world.” (John 4:39-42).

For the Samaritan woman and her people, the cure for shame was truly seeing Jesus!

For most of my life, I tried to “cure” shame with performance. Just like the Samaritan woman, I filled the water jar of my heart with human effort: reading the Bible, going to church, singing worship songs. I thought my efforts alone would somehow make me worthy of love and acceptance. But performance didn’t heal shame, and when I inevitably screwed up, I fell deeper into the black pit of believing “I’m just one big loser!”

For years I tried climbing out of the black pit of shame by preaching biblical truth to myself: “I’m made in the image of God, so I’m worth something!”  and “God loves me, so I am valuable!” But, as the Christian counselor Ed Welch says, merely telling yourself the truth over and over again “usually doesn’t work.” (61*).  Just knowing I was made in God’s image, that he loved me, didn’t make me believe I was worthy and loved.

Ed Welch offers this wise advice to people who, like me, were/are trapped in the pit of shame:  “Try a counterintuitive approach to escape shame. Try changing the subject so it is more about God than about your shame. The basic idea is to focus on the matchless worth of the Lord God and then get connected to him . . . . The cure for shame will always be found in how we become connected to God. ”(Welch 61, 103).

In other words, the key to overcoming shame is getting your eyes off Self and on God. Just like the Samaritan woman, we need to stop filling our water jars—hearts—with human effort and truly behold the face of Jesus.

But how do you do that?

Scottish pastor Robert Murray McCheyne, says this:

Learn much of the Lord Jesus. For every look at yourself, take ten looks at Christ. He is altogether lovely. Such infinite majesty, and yet such meekness and grace, and all for sinners, even the chief! Live much in the smiles of God. Bask in his beams. Feel his all-seeing eye settled on you in love, and repose in his almighty arms . . . . (Robert Murray*, emphasis mine)

Looking outward—towards Jesus—instead of inward, towards Self, isn’t easy. Setting aside human effort to seek and savor Christ requires acknowledging that our worthiness is found in our connection to Christ Alone. We must learn to be like Lazarus’ sister Mary, who understood, “few things are needed—or indeed, only one . . .  [Sitting] at the Lord’s feet,” (Luke 10).
When our eyes are on Jesus, shame loses its power, and we see ourselves as He sees us—Beautiful, Worthy, Redeemed. And just like the Samaritan woman, when we see ourselves as God sees us, we are free to share our story with everyone we meet because Christ covers every part of that story—good and bad—with Himself.

“Let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely,
and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12: 1, 2, emphasis mine)


* Ed. Welch quotes taken from his book Shame Interrupted. You can view this resource on Amazon here.